Kecelaruan identiti.

19/5/2018
8.08 PM

Tengah dengar lagu siti nurhaliza, which my always time favourite songs of her.

So, my topic harini pasal kecelaruan identiti. Kenapa aku cakap macam tu? Sbb aku dah lama rasa benda ni. Aku seorang yang introvert which most orang cakap sebagai loser. Maybe diorg betul maybe tak. Aku sendiri rasa, aku sendiri hidup dalam badan aku, aku yg rasa apa yg terbuku dalam hati aku ni. Kadang2 tu aku sendiri tak tahu apa yang aku nak, apa purpose dalam hidup aku.

Benda ni kritikal tau sebenarnya, sbb ok, sekarang ni aku dah 19 tahun. Ikutka, 19 tahun aku hidup ni sepatutnya dah achieve macam2 and banyak dah sumbangan kepada keluarga. Sepatutnya, time aku dah 12 tahun, which is darjah 6, aku dah start menggalas tanggungjawab yang besar which Allah states, aku sendiri dah tanggung dosa apa yg aku buat sepanjang aku dah besar tu.

17 tahun: form 5 , sekarang 19, 5+2= 7

What the hell??

7 Tahun aku sia siakan hidup aku tanpa ada rasa and skills apa apa pun. Berdikari pun tak pandai lagi sebenarnya, belajar apatah lagi.

Apa ni weh.

Okay mari kita reflek.

Form 1: I start to apply asrama, semua tak dapat. End up aku sekolah di SMK TDEJA. i dont have regrets then. What the hell I learn?? Yang aku ingat is aku jadi penolong ketua kelas which sucks

Form 2: LOL SUMPAH TAK INGAT
Form 3: PUN SAMA! TAK INGAT WEH
Form 4: Start masuk kelas sains, and im amnessia! sumpah tak ingat apa yg terjadi.
Form 5: Aku start kenal2 and rapat ngan cikgu, sarah, puan cheng, apa lagi ntah. TAKDE MEMORI LAH SIAK. Yang paling sendu, SPM! 5A je !

Hidup di UIA
Sem 1: 5 Bulan : Weh apa aku buat weh
architecture sumpah torture aku. Aku tak leh nak brain weh ape benda tu, subjek lain pun ke laut. Assignment, MASA, GC. weh bodohnya!!1

Sem 2: 2 bulan 1/2
LOL BODOH LAGI! PUBLIC SPEAKING BODOH!

So tell me what's the deal

So I've been talking to strangers online which i get to chat to random people on that site. what i could tell is they tend to have this feeling of bad side of all men have; which is sex. its been my issue these days that actually sex have been the same way over many years, its about pleasure in many types but in the same act. between woman and man. i cant seem to have to differentiate that. but still people tend to drive themselves to act like an animals. its geli thing for me to say. but it happens.

i dont know what people want in their life but i would say pleasure would be the thing that always people been doing over their time. i would be the one who been going trough this thing over and over again. and my pleasure didnt stop there. i should be known that we have another kind of side who is evil. this evil drives us to make bad things and that bad things prevents our sight to see bad things rather than good things.

i dont know what to say anymore as i myself is harly going through this kind of stuff that i myself cant control my metality. its surreal to say that i even dont know what myself want. i want to create my alter ego that myself can be proud of. i want to make myself proud, not anyone else. i myself want to be happy without approval by anyone.

its true that people say introvert person tend to have that energy when they alone opposites to the extrovert